What parenting has taught me is…… To have Guilt free TLC

Have you ever said to yourself I don’t have enough time to look after myself, or, isn’t it selfish to take time out for me when I have a family to look after? My question is, and how is that working for you?

Well, if that is not working for you and you are feeling run down, overwhelmed, undervalued, or the like, why not try something new? You can get out of the cycle and the old belief system of selflessness and move into looking after self. I promise you that when you do this you will have so much more to give to others and ultimately be better role models to your family of how to love life, not just survive it.

I have found in my own parenting experience, my business and through the many parents I come across, there is one major factor that gets overlooked – if you are not ok, how can anything else be ok. It does begin with you! You can overcome many obstacles and uncomfortable situations by valuing you, by being in control, by making sure your health and wellbeing is at its best levels and by you being in charge of your ‘happy’. Quite often we hand this over to others, waiting for them to satisfy and notice the needs we have. My experience has shown me that it comes from within first, not from ‘out there’.

I like to use the metaphors of vehicles, as I believe life is a journey and people generally feel the silent and invisible push to move forward in their lives. Let’s look at a family car. Parents feel a responsibility to keep the family car in good condition, up to a safe standard, using the right fuel and properly serviced so their family can get from A – B in comfort and as safe as possible. The car expenses and upkeep are put in the family budget and schedule because this is important to have this asset in top condition.

As a parent, you can view yourself as important as your mode of transport. You are in charge of getting your family safely from A – B; you are responsible for the safe journey. To do this you need to be in good condition, getting the right fuel and services. You need to view yourself as an asset to the family unit and most importantly have resources of time and energy to move yourself and family forward.

How I keep in top condition, and enjoy the ride that is parenting.
• Every morning before I get out of bed, I affirm myself and my family, I see my daily plan play out in my mind, make any adjustments, take a deep breath and get out of bed to start my day.
• I communicate regularly with my family on what is going on for me, and ask for support when I need it.
• I make sure I am properly fuelled! I drink enough water, eat healthy food and exercise in a way that is right for me.
• I catch up with friends regularly that inspire me, make me laugh, support me and align with my values.
• I have regular activities and interests that are just for me. I pamper myself quarterly.
• I give myself permission to act in a way that is purposeful to me, not others expectations. I often choose my actions by checking in with myself first and ask, when I look back in 10 years’ time will I be ok with the way I am about to deal with this?
• I have learnt I don’t have to be Super Mum, I instead get Super Support! Whether it is paid help, help from friends or within the community; I think about the best thing I can do to leverage my time or support myself and my children through certain issues, and then I ask.
• I am constantly improving myself, asking myself what is the best use of my time and acknowledge that through my mistakes I get closer to getting it right.
• I take time each week to celebrate my achievements, discoveries, my trials and my ability to overcome them. I find my joy, and appreciate the lessons from my family by doing this.

I once heard someone say that what they remember and treasure about their mother most was not how much she loved him; it was how much she loved life. Since hearing this, it struck a meaningful cord in me, and I have strived to live my life as an example to my children, family and friends, that life is abundant and life is great, and I am here to get the most out of each and every moment. My sincere wish is that you do to.

Kirsty O’Callaghan
www.unity-qld.com.au