When our children are born, we are their world. Whenever they need help, we are the first ones they turn to. It can be a rude awakening as they enter their teens, to realize that this may be coming to an end. They no longer ask for or even want to hear your opinion much less ask you for help. But you know they still need at least a little help from time to time.

When teens are in these years between childhood and adulthood it can be very confusing for parent and teen alike. They want to show you that they can do “it” on their own, without your help. They are working to separate themselves from us as individuals. It is the natural order of things. This is the after all, in theory, our job as a parent. To raise them well enough that one day they don’t need our help.

My favorite comic strip is ZITS by Jerry Scott and Jim Borgman. They capture life with a teen age boy like no one else can! Last year, they published a comic strip where Jeremy, our 16ish hero, says to his mom and dad “I have something I really need to talk to you about……But I probably won’t.” This pretty much sums up what many of us face as our babies enter their teen years. We are there to help but something keeps them from coming to us like they used to.

Even parents, like me, who have extremely open relationships with their teens, are faced with the fact that at this time in their lives teens are interested in more of the world “out there”. They begin to explore what they might think and feel outside of the experiences they have had so far in life and in your home. The key here is to stay fluid with these changes. They will venture out. Remember, that’s they way it is meant to be. What we want to ensure is that they really feel they can come back to you for help.

When you begin to notice that your teens are not coming to you for advice or help as frequently don’t freak out. Choices they make will backfire. People will disappoint them. They will completely screw some things up. Gently remind them, in a way that does not pressure them, that they can always come to you when something goes wrong. If they are more worried about your reaction to what they need help with than the benefit it might bring them, they will not come to you for help. I repeat. They will not come to you for help. As our babies transform into adults right before our eyes, our primary objective is to keep the door swinging open and keep the Help Desk in business.

Ronda Wada empowers teens and parents to have authentic, emotionally healthy relationships with one another. She is a coach, facilitator, and premier show host on www.thewinonline.com. Her proudest accomplishment is her own two teenagers, Neil & Alyssa. She can be reached at Ronda@RondaWada.com.