Being a mom is an ever evolving role. Even more so when your babies enter their teens! You are entering uncharted territory.

What your child needs from you at sixteen is in many ways vastly different than what they need from you at six. Figuring out exactly what being a mom to teens means can be like trying to figure out how to get the DVR to work with the cable while making sure the DVD player will still work. It is beautiful when it works but to get there you first have to wade through a jumble of cords to find the right connections.

Whether you have been a stay-at-home mom or a mom working outside the home, all moms are used to having a large say in the lives of their children. You plan meals, make their schedules, follow-up with them on their homework and chores. You are the one managing their lives for the most part. Where we can get in to trouble is when we don’t begin to transition out of that full-time management position.

There comes a time when they need to take over the reigns in certain areas. Gradually and with supervision at first but it does need to happen. If you are still managing all or most of the details for them it can get harder and harder to get them to take the responsibility. Ultimately, you do not want to be still doing their laundry when they are 23, right? If you do, we need to have a different conversation! The longer you wait to turn over some of the control, the more difficult it can be for them to realize that one day very soon they will be the ones responsible for the results they are getting in their lives. They can learn this lesson the easy way or the hard way and sometimes a combination of both. By beginning to turn over minor things at first, you both have a chance to get used to the new arrangement with minimal consequences.

Does you daughter go in to hysterics because her favorite shirt hasn’t been washed and she wanted to wear it today? Why is that YOUR fault? This is one of the first tasks I turned over to my teens. I have to admit that it wasn’t exactly my idea. My former mother-in-law was actually the one that said to me “You are still doing their laundry?” My son was 12 and my daughter was 10. It honestly had never occurred to me before then. Once, I turned that responsibility over to them, I was in heaven! If they don’t have a clean shirt to wear, it is their problem – not mine!

If that statement is sending you into convulsions, explore what it is that upsets you about that. Do you think it’s cruel to make them wear a dirty shirt? Let’s face it most of our clothes don’t look that dirty, if at all, at the end of the day anyway. What harm will it really do? Are you upset that your child might be seen in public in a dirty shirt? Do you think it will reflect badly on you? If people even think twice about it, you can just tell them he is experiencing the consequences of not doing his laundry. If you want to have a clean shirt, you make sure you do your laundry. If they want a clean shirt, they will too. You will be surprised at how quickly they make this connection as long as you don’t step in and rescue them!

Our role as a mom is to equip our teens to be adults not to be a servant to them. Start small, be consistent and dream big on what you will do with all that free time!

Ronda Wada empowers teens and parents to have authentic, emotionally healthy relationships with one another. She is a coach, facilitator, and premier show host on www.thewinonline.com. Her proudest accomplishment is her own two teenagers, Neil & Alyssa. She can be reached at Ronda@RondaWada.com.