How to Handle Sibling Rivalry
By Paula Fellingham

One of the questions parents ask me is, “What can we do to help our children like each other?”

Here’s a common scenario: Siblings twelve-year-old Janet and ten-year-old Mark were at it again. Mom could hear them fighting outside. “You always have to have your own way, don’t you?” Mark yelled. Janet screamed back, “Yeah, I do because you’re so stupid you can’t even do it!” Mom didn’t have any idea what they were quarreling about, she just felt heartsick when she heard them going at it, again.

Answer:
As children grow up, the people they have the most slumber parties with, share vacations with, and spend the most time with are their siblings... and they don’t even choose them! It’s true that sometimes brothers and sisters have very different personalities. They don’t like the same things and they think very differently. But they’re in the same family, and often their differences, and the way they handle their differences, causes challenges and creates contention. Here are 3 solutions:
1. Since we love the people we serve, create many opportunities in the home where children serve one another. For example, when my four daughters were growing up I didn’t ever learn how to French braid their hair... on purpose. Of course I could have figured it out, but my daughters knew how to French braid, so they went to one another to have their hair done. They were dependent on one another. It was during the hair-fixing time each morning that they had some of their best ‘sister’ discussions. There are myriads of opportunities to create situations where children serve one another.
2. Since we enjoy being around people who like what we like - who share our same interests - create something that you all do together, as a family. Fun times are shared and happy memories made when families work together on projects like creating a family band, building a canoe, or taking karate lessons. The idea is to do something together that you all enjoy.
3. Take every opportunity to help children bond with one another. You can do this by setting up situations where they do things together. For example, with Janet and Mark - the quarreling siblings in the scenario above - I would create opportunities for them to serve a neighbor. Have them go to an elderly neighbor and offer to paint his fence, or mow his lawn. Working and serving others brings many blessings, not the least of which is increased love for others. Service helps children grow generous hearts.

Paula Fellingham, an internationally-acclaimed speaker, the author of 5 books, and the mother of 7 children, has spoken at the United Nations and at conferences across the globe. Paula is a former radio talk show host and newspaper columnist. Paula is currently the CEO of The Women’s Information Network, www.TheWINonline.com. Her mission is to strengthen women and families worldwide.