How to Talk So Your Children Will Listen
By Paula Fellingham

Here’s a common scene in AnyTown, USA:

Marie called, “Kids - it’s time for dinner!” Then she waited. Nothing happened - no one came into the kitchen. Again she called - “Jenny....Bill.....Suzy....it’s time for dinner!” Silence.
Marie was convinced that her children were parent-deaf. It seemed like every time she asked them to do anything her children tuned her out.

Here are 10 Ways to Talk So Your Children Will Listen:

1. Use a kind tone of voice. It isn’t always what we say, but rather how we say it that makes all the difference. Send a message of caring and kindness when you speak.
2. Address children by name, and treat them respectfully. Say, “Melissa, will you please....”
3. Be brief. Use the one-sentence rule. The longer you ramble, the more likely your child is to become parent-deaf. Too much talking is a common mistake.
4. Have eye-to-eye contact. This may mean that you need to kneel down when your children are little. Teach them to focus by saying, “Suzy, I need you to look at me.” Have their full attention before giving a directive.
5. Keep it simple. Use short sentences. Listen to how kids communicate with each other and take note. When your child shows that glazed, disinterested look, you’re no longer being understood.
6. Ask your child to repeat the request back to you. If he can’t, it’s too long or too complicated.
7. Be positive. Instead of “no yelling!” try: “Inside we talk, outside you may be loud.”
8. First - then. “First you pick up your toys, then I’ll read you a story.” Or, “First you eat all of your vegetables, then you can have dessert.”
9. Offer choices. Say, “It’s cold outside. Do you want to wear a sweater or your jacket?”
10. Use “I” messages. Say, “I feel sad when you disobey, because you know the rules, and you’re usually such an obedient boy.”

Paula Fellingham is an internationally-acclaimed speaker, the author of 5 books, and the mother of 7 children. She has spoken at the United Nations and at conferences across the globe for over 30 years. Paula is a former radio talk show host and newspaper columnist. She is currently the CEO of The Women’s Information Network, www.TheWINonline.com. Paula’s mission is to strengthen women and families worldwide.