How to Teach Your Children to Speak Calmly
Paula Fellingham

To Mom it seemed like everything her 3 year old Matthew said, he said with an obnoxious, loud tone of voice, and it drove her crazy. If he wanted a drink, he’d shout, “Mama, get me a drink!!” At bedtime he yelled, “I don’t ‘wanna go to bed!” Mom knew that he shouldn’t talk to her like that, but when she said, “Matthew, don’t talk like that” it didn’t make any difference. Nothing she did to change his tone of voice seemed to work. What should she do?

As we all know, many times it isn’t WHAT we say, but HOW we say it that makes all the difference. When we use kind tones of voice we can better create the loving atmospheres we all want in our homes.
First, remember Albert Schweitzer’s wise words, ”There are three ways to teach children. The first is by example, the second is by example, and the third is by example. Be sure YOU use a kind tone of voice as you parent your children.
Second, have a family talk about using a kind tone of voice in the home. Demonstrate exactly what you mean. And be sure Matthew understands.
Third, try this. I promise it works like magic. The next time Matthew speaks with an unkind tone, such as “Mama! Tie my shoes!!” Then kneel down so you’re looking directly into his eyes, and say, “Matthew, tone of voice.” Then, using a pleasant tone say, “Matthew, say it like this: “Mama....please tie my shoes.” And because children are master imitators, he’ll probably repeat your tone exactly. “Mama, please tie my shoes.” Then give him a hug and say, “That’s right, honey, that’s the way we talk in our family!”
If Matthew doesn’t repeat your kind tones acceptably, then do it again...exactly the same way. “Mama, please tie my shoes.” And stay there, repeating it, until he speaks kindly... ‘til the sun goes down, if necessary!
Matthew needs to know that you’re serious about teaching him the right way to speak in your home, and that you are willing to stay with him until he gets it right. Then, of course, praise him effusively as soon as he succeeds.
It takes great effort at times, but speaking kindly in our homes can become a habit.

Paula Fellingham is an internationally-acclaimed speaker, the author of 5 books, and the mother of 7 children. She has spoken at the United Nations and at conferences across the globe for over 30 years. Paula is a former radio talk show host and newspaper columnist. She is currently the CEO of The Women’s Information Network, www.TheWINonline.com. Paula’s mission is to strengthen women and families worldwide.