When did it become taboo for parents to ask for help? There are times when parents could use some extra support when it comes to their teens. It doesn’t mean we have failed as a parent. There are just time when some outside help with our teens could make the world of difference for us as parents.

There is a well travelled saying; “It takes a village”. This has long been credited as an African proverb. In Nigeria the saying is “Ora na azu nwa” which translates to “it takes a community/village to raise a child”. Similar sayings have been used throughout various African cultures for generations.

Why then have Westerners adopted the belief that as parents we have failed it we reach out for help when it comes to our teens?

Anthropologists and sociologists have documented widespread evidence that early man often lived within a larger band made up of small kin groups. These groups were made up directly and indirectly related people. Many variations of communal living have continued throughout our modern history.

Even in very recent generations, it was not uncommon to be very actively involved with an extended family, a village, sometimes with multiple generations even living under the same roof. It wasn’t until the industrial age that the nuclear family that we know today was even possible economically. Now it is very much less common for intergenerational families to reside together. Often times, families are now spread out all across the country. Families are lucky to see each other once a year; sometimes much less often.

What is a modern family to do without a village? Create or find your own!

Our lives have become so isolated with technology and busyness that most Americans have never even met their neighbors. It is just the pace of the life we lead today. So, how do you find people to support you? This can be more challenging as your kids get older. When they reach their teen years, you may not know as many of their friends and you are even less likely to know the parents of those friends. But, that is the first place I recommend you start. These are the very people who can identify with what you are dealing with. They may even have older children and can give you some insight into what it coming. The one caveat I will make is be sure that they have a positive view of teens. People can adopt a jaded view when they have been through a struggle. If your new connections appear to be “down” on teens, move on graciously. You want someone who is going to life you up not drag you down.

Now, explore programs within your community. These may be non-profit, private or governmental. In my community, I hold empowerment workshops for teens that have an additional component for parents to participate in. The parents get as much or more out of our programs as the teens do! There are also counselors and life-coaches in many communities that specialize in teens and parenting.

Today’s modern lifestyle calls for us to be proactive in creating the communities we are all craving. The added benefit is that you have somewhere and someone to go to in those moments you could you a little extra help.

Ronda Wada empowers teens and parents to have authentic, emotionally healthy relationships with one another. She is a coach, facilitator, and premier show host on www.thewinonline.com. Her proudest accomplishment is her own two teenagers, Neil & Alyssa. She can be reached at Ronda@RondaWada.com.