Being a mom with a teen can be challenging enough. Being a single mom can be down right nerve-wracking! If you are a single mom as the result of a divorce, it is pretty common these days to have had at least some type of shared custody. Before they reached the teen years, there were probably at least some times when you got a break even if it was as little as little as one night a month. The best strategy to ensure you are being the best mom you can is to have some regular non-mom time. Meaning, have regular doses of just being a woman tending only to your needs instead of everyone else’s. I have to say this was the biggest perk of my divorce for me. When my kids first started going to stay with their father every other weekend, I was in heaven. I may be in danger of being kicked out of the Mom Club here but it’s true and I’m not afraid to admit it! By the time I got divorced, I estimate that I hadn’t been alone in at least a decade. Let me tell you, that is certainly enough to make anyone a little more than cranky! We all know the saying “If momma ain’t happy; ain’t nobody happy!”

I really took advantage of those weekends alone. Sometimes I would never even leave the house from Friday night to Monday. Ok, which one of you is laughing at me? Yep, I whooped it up big time – NOT! What I needed most at that time was to recharge my extremely depleted (more like empty) batteries from over a decade of never taking any time for myself.

So, everything went along fine with the shared custody arrangements until my kids hit their teen years. All of a sudden they had their own ideas on what they wanted to do with their weekends. Usually it involved me taxing them around town and often it did not include going to their dads. It wasn’t so much that they didn’t want to see him. They just had something they were more interested in doing. Suddenly, now that I wanted to do more than stay home all weekend, I couldn’t because I might be called upon to play chauffer at any moment. Secondly, the scheduled time with their dad never seemed to be made up anywhere else and if he didn’t have them, he didn’t see why he was responsible for driving them around on those nights. Can you see where this is headed? Momma’s getting pretty cranky again!

My point in sharing this with you is not to scare you. It is to prepare you. As a single mom with a teen (or teens), this scenario is likely in your future. If it hasn’t started happening yet, be proactive. Talk to your teens about what they would like in the future. It is time for teens to have a say but they don’t necessarily get the final say. Then have a conversation with the father of your teens and come up with a game plan together on how these changing dynamics will impact your custody arrangements. Discuss any possible changes that the two of you want to make to the scheduled parenting time and how you will handle them. Some states such as the one I live in, Colorado, base child support on how many over night stays the kids have with each parent. So, now is the time to make any official changes to your custody arrangements or parenting plans. Once the two of you have created a plan that will work for both of you (Hopefully, you can do this on your own. If not, please seek third-party mediation or some other means of support to work through this.), the two of you should take the plan back to your teens for review. During the teen years it is imperative for parents to act as a united front especially if they are no longer married. Having clearly communicated rules and expectations at this time will make life easier on everyone. The time to prepare is today.

Ronda Wada empowers teens and parents to have authentic, emotionally healthy relationships with one another. She is a coach, facilitator, and premier show host on www.thewinonline.com. Her proudest accomplishment is her own two teenagers, Neil & Alyssa. She can be reached at Ronda@RondaWada.com.