Sitting in a coffee shop last week with a friend we watched as an elderly lady shuffled in. She looked disoriented and slowly glanced over the group of people sitting at the tables. We caught her eye and she unsteadily made her way towards us.

“Are you OK?” we asked.

“I’m looking for St John of God hospital,” she replied.

Together we gave her directions and watched as she absorbed them and made her way back to her car. We continued to watch her unsure of what to do to help her further.

But my friend, struggling to watch her any longer, jumped up and went to her aid. She leaned in the passenger window and engaged in a lengthy discussion with the lady. After what felt like an eternity, she returned to our table with the words, “She says she’ll be OK. She’s 90 years old and is on her way to visit her 92 year old friend in hospital.”

Naturally our response was, “Should she still be driving? She looks so frail.”

“I offered to drive her,” my friend replied, “but she was adamant she’s okay,” and then came the clincher, which shocked me, “She even offered to pay me for my kindness.”

“What? You’re kidding me?! She offered you money for being kind to her?  Isn’t kindness free? Or what have I missed?”

‘Loving Kindness’ is a term that is often used in spiritual and religious circles. It refers to acts of kindness, motivated by love and is used primarily to describe God, rather than people. Perhaps this is how this frail lady experienced her 90 years, hence feeling the need to reimburse for a simple, yet kind act?

Is kindness really such a rarity? A dying art? Read more ...

Oh – and company.

In fact, I already do this – and even more than one mile. I belong to a Saturday morning walking group that meets early in the morning before the heat (in summer) and the rain (in winter) sets in.

We actually walk 5 miles before we’re ‘allowed’ to have coffee – arguably the actual reason we dutifully walk each week. Our regular coffee place easily has the best coffee in Perth. The queues out the door and the expanding premises will attest to this fact.

My husband now calls this group our ‘coffee club’ as opposed to a walking club. There may be some truth to that- but yes – we walk our requisite miles before rewarding ourselves with cappuccino and fruit toast. It’s all about balance, right?

The walking is different in that it is Nordic Walking – the Scandinavian exercise. We walk with Nordic walking poles, akin to skiing on land. This does attract the odd looks and curious (read rude) remarks from onlookers when the temperatures soar into the high 30 degrees Celsius. But that comes with the territory as Perth is about as far from snow as I am from becoming Queen.

As you know, we’re social creatures by nature and somehow the weekly walking, coffee and friendship connection seem to close the deal for many of us. So we get up early and head down to the beach.

In total, on some more social days a 5 mile walk can take me four hours, all inclusive! This makes quite a dent in my Saturday – but ensures a warm and fuzzy feeling throughout.

So, perhaps – I’d actually walk a mile for that familiar warm, fuzzy feeling?

But that’s life – isn’t it?

Walking into Kylie Minogue’s concert a few evenings ago, I walked past two teenage girls stepping into a floodlit area.

“Hey! Look at my shadow!” the one shouted excitedly to her friend, as they played with the way the lights fell around them.

Being a coach who works a lot with the shadow self, I got excited at a possible wider concept of that statement.

Imagine if we as adults were comfortable enough with ourselves to excitedly say to one another, “Hey, look at my shadow. This is my selfish side!” or

“Hey, look at my shadow. This is my lazy side!” or

“Hey, look at my shadow. This is my cruel side!”

So, what do I mean by shadow self?

These are those ugly little secrets you hold about yourself hoping no one (not even yourself) will ever really find out.

I often hear clients say, “I try so hard to be a good person. I don’t want to do bad things.”

And I then ask them, “How hard do you try to be this good person? What kind of effort do you spend being perfect? Is it really working for you?”

Just because you don’t admit these darker, shadow elements of yourself doesn’t mean they’re not there. You may just be skilled at pretending they don’t exist. Because life teaches and preaches that you must be ‘good’ to be accepted, it’s no wonder that admitting to anything that makes you not good… makes you, well…. Bad.

But the irony is that you’ll find your freedom when you acknowledge and own these shadow aspects of yourself. As will everyone.

What is your reaction when your friend says, “I can’t believe I did that! It was so stupid!” Read more ...

I forgot a friend’s birthday this month. A friend that I’ve known for over 20 years.

I really have no excuse, as it just so happens that 7 birthdays of close friends and family fall in the first week of January. So I’m usually prepared for this week and quite aware of each birthday on each day. But this year, I slipped up with her birthday which fell on the Saturday.

So, early on the Sunday morning (my time) I received a text message asking, “Are you OK? Just wondering why you forgot my birthday.”

I felt terrible!

But at the same time also a little in awe at her response. She was concerned, not angry.

She could’ve been hurt, upset or chosen to sulk with me, but didn’t. Instead her initial reaction was the question “Are you OK?”

Why I particularly noticed this was because I’ve come across the flip side of this situation. I’ve seen someone who received multitudes of Facebook messages, calls and emails on her birthday – choose instead to focus her attention on being angry at the one person who hadn’t contacted her.

Aren’t we funny beings?

It’s a fact that when you’re remembered, you feel important and that you matter. You feel that you’re worth remembering. 

To better understand this, ask yourself, ‘When you’ve been forgotten, how do you feel?’

But remember, as always that in every situation you have a choice as to how you behave. Although you may FEEL hurt, THINK they’ve forgotten you – your response to all of this is your CHOICE.

Yes - A conscious choice.

So how do you react when you feel hurt or hard-done-by? Read more ...

How are things working for you?

I heard this question a couple of times at a networking breakfast recently. I wonder if you'd be prepared to consider this for your self in the broader perspective of your life.

How does your (whole) life look compared to how you envisioned it to look?

Explore the following areas:

1. Your careeer
2. Your relationships
3. Your friendships
4. Your health
5. Your personal growth
6. Your emotional wellbeing and overall happiness

Which area could do with a facelift?

What one thing are you prepared to do about it this week?

Have a wonderful week, Being Perfectly You.

www.completelyhuman.com

I have very belatedly in its lifespan become a fan of the TV program NCIS. I marvel at the far-reaching efforts of their 'investigative work'. They very easily and deeply probe into people's lives (be they victims or suspects).

They use complicated technology and nothing is sacred.

Shutting down my laptop the other evening, a macabre thought flittered through my mind, "I wonder what would be 'discovered' about me should something happen to me overnight."

What would my laptop reveal?

My bank records? My telephone records?

What would people report back about me?

NO - thisis not an exercise in paranoia concern about what people think about me, but rather how authentic am I living?

Do I still have things I'm possibly hiding? Do I still have secrets?

So - this week consider what the reasons are you hide things.

Does your life really look the way people think it does?

Are you really the person people think you are?

Why the need to pretend?

And how much effort is this taking from you?

Some interesting things for you to consider this Easter season.

Have a wonderful holiday season, Being Perfectly You.

I babysat a friend’s 16-month old daughter on Saturday night. Being inexperienced in this realm, there’s always a smidgen of anxiety regrading this responsibility, but Lauren made it easy for me. She’s not yet able to talk properly, but can definitely demonstrate what she wants!

• She wanted a slide flipped over to the step-side for her to be able to climb up into her play-gym. She kept tugging at it until I understood and turned it around. She then bounded up the steps happily.
• At one point, I found her sitting in her stroller, strapping herself in. She clearly wanted to be taken for a walk.
• At dinner time, she pointed at her high chair, wanting to be lifted into it. She was hungry.

She made the babysitting experience incredibly easy. Just having her needs met, as she expressed them, made her feel content and peaceful. And, oddly enough, they weren’t tough needs to meet.

Why then, as adults do we lose the ability to clearly communicate to others, especially our partners, what we want from them?

 Is it because at some level we believe that old adage of ‘if he really loves me and understands me, then he’ll know what I want.”  But all that this kind of ‘guessing’ communication achieves is to make your life harder for yourself.

You’ll have certain needs in life; love, security, support, acknowledgement, respect, sincerity, communication, freedom etc. Asking for some of these from your partner is part and parcel of any relationship – just as feeding and playing with Lauren was part of babysitting her.

It’s what I signed up to do – but I was fortunate - she helped me. When changing her for bed and struggling to get her top off, she actually stood up and raised her little arms over her head! Easy. Read more ...

Recently I watched glimpses of a TV series about an FBI Agent who lands up in a small town whilst investigating a case. She's initially not welcome (as usual), but after a while the Sheriff offers her a job on his police fore because, as he says, "Many people around here see things the way they want to. But you see things the way they are."

Interesting words which we can all learn from.

Sometimes the reality we experience is so limited by our preconditioned beliefs, fears and ways of thinking that we don't see beyond ourselves. We only know what we know and assume that to be the reality.

But this kind of assumption and perception keeps you stuck whereas getting your limited self out of your own way moves you forward.

You've probably already heard the saying that if you carry on thinking the same way you've always thought, you'll continue to get the results you've always achieved.

So, this year, why not think bigger? Be brave enough to discover a different truth.

Give your small-time, scared thinking the boot.

What if you didn't think "I can't do it" or "I'll never find someone who ticks all the boxes"?

What if, instead, you faced your life and relationships from a broader, more open-minded perspective?

Who knows what's out there, beyond the limited vision, criticism and judgment you may have?

You may well be pleasantly surprised!

Have a wonderful week, Being Perfectly You.

www.completelyhuman.com

I jet-ski’ed yesterday. Although that may not sound like a big deal, it is to someone who is terrified of open water!

A number of years ago I did a few open-water swims in order to face this fear. I may have faced the fear, but didn’t particularly enjoy the experience or overcome the fear. I finished the race, stumbling out of the lake, covered in seaweed and mud, feeling bedraggled and frustrated.

So – jetskiing put me back in that same place of “I’m scared, but I’m going to do it anyway.”

Although I had an instructor sitting behind (more like around) me, anticipating whatever ‘this crazy women’ would (or wouldn’t) do next I was still scared. I tended to let go of the accelerator completely when the ride got too bumpy!

But I loved the experience and wanted to do it again! It’s clear to me that my fear hasn’t disappeared despite facing it, but facing it gave me some fun!

So, perhaps you may not get over all your fears, but it’s important to not hold yourself or your life back despite having them.

The making of you is how you handle fear.

Be these internal (failure, embarrassment, change, or non-acceptance etc) or external fears.

Find one of your fears.

What can you do to move through it?

Just one little step is all it takes and you’ll find that the Universe also has its arms around you.

Have a wonderful week, being Perfectly You.

www.completelyhuman.com