Rebecca writes:  I have heard it taught that anger is something we "choose". I know it can be addictive and build as well. (Anger is something I have really had to struggle with as a parent.) So, will you help me understand why "the world" says it's "ok" to be angry...that it's unhealthy to teach our children that it's not "ok" to be angry...when other teachings contradict that?

Anger is a natural and normal emotion that is felt universally.  There is nothing inherently “right” or “wrong” about being angry.  Some of the opinions and attitudes that are held about anger can lead us to feel that there is something wrong with us if we feel anger. Anger serves as a useful signal that something isn’t working for us.

It is healthy to teach children that they will have a broad variety of experiences in their life including a range of different emotions.  Having discussions with children and also with teens about the different kinds of emotions can help them to start being more sensitive to their own experience.  Teaching them that certain emotions are not “OK” can lead to their becoming more emotionally shut down, which always has an impact on developing and maintaining relationships.

In connection with teaching children about the various emotions they can experience, it is essential to assist them also in seeing that there are consequences to their choices as to how they express these emotions.  To act out in anger could lead to some heavy costs in their life.  Providing a safe and loving environment where children can express their feelings gives them the resource to both feel and learn.