We’ve taught the technique of using something that is valued by your child as a cost that they pay for “hiring” you to clean their room or do some other service for them that they were supposed to do in the first place. A father writes, “I have a question regarding the concept of claiming an item of value from my child’s room after cleaning it for them. I have done it and it worked as expected, but I have a hard time justifying it mentally. If I turn it around, and I forget to get my jobs done one day and my child cleans my room for me and then claims something from my room, I would be outraged. Why is it acceptable for a parent to do that?

Regarding this dad’s question, we would invite you to look at it a little differently. You are not doing this as a punishment, but as a learning opportunity with the objective of assisting your child to move to a higher stage of maturity. This is your job as a parent.

Your child does not have the same responsibility as you do to teach (although you will definitely learn things from them). Parents and children are not on equal footing in terms of stewardship and responsibility.

There is also an interesting "legal" definition of ownership in which a child cannot legally own something until age 18. All of that stuff is yours, and you are choosing to use it as a resource in helping your child to gain something of greater value.