Cynthia shared a comment in response to our “Disrespectful Behavior” episode in which she says, “When you talked about the tantrum that would predictably follow a consequence and giving the child time to resolve the problem, I love that and have used that.  However, what would you do if the child will not disengage from you.  For example, you try to give them space to let the storm pass, but they continue to follow you in an attempt to continue the battle.  Any ideas or suggestions?”

Physical separation or removal from the situation can give the child the time to cool off, or may give the parent time to cool off.  Focus here on what you control.  If your child is too big for you to enforce his or her being separate, take yourself out of the equation.

It isn’t fair that everyone has to deal with the consequences of someone in the family having a storm.  This is true – even though it is not fair, it may be the very situation that you have so let’s deal with it.  Getting off of the fairness train will allow you to think about and evaluate your options given the situation.

You train people how to respond to you.  Consider that your child’s following you around or continuing to engage in the conflict is exactly what he has found to work for him in the past.  Changing your own response creates a whole different context for your child to respond to you.