In the last few months, I have been struggling with insecurity…big time. This is a relatively new experience for me, because I’ve mostly considered myself to be a confident kind of girl, spending little or no time worrying about the others’ opinions about me or what people thought if my house was clean.  All of that changed in June, when I was hired to work for a spiritual transformation company in Salt Lake City called Awaken Soul Purpose.

I found myself working with people who (at least to me) seemed to be more skilled than I was at teaching, coaching, and business building.  And hey, even better looking. I remember our first real gathering together when I was on a business trip there in July, seven of us were having breakfast meeting.  Six men from the company…the founders, CEO, and some of the point men on the team.  Then there was me.  I was dripping with inadequacy.  As I walked into the restaurant, I kept saying to myself, I am a powerful, healing woman of light, I am a powerful, healing woman of light. I felt it, to some degree, but when the waitress came to our table (I have been mostly working inside my home for the last 7 years), I looked at her in envy. I thought to myself, “Can I have your apron? I’ll put it on and cook and clean, which I know I can do, and you can sit here in my place.”

The last few months, I have looked this insecurity, stared at it really, straight in the face.  What is it?  Where is it coming from?  And how is it holding me back?  Each week, more of it falls away, as I step into my own power and certainty knowing that I am there because I have something to bring.  I don’t need to worry about their talents and gifts.  If I am focused on mine, I am connected to my own spirit and my own power to make my offering.  And an offering that has much greater value.

I am also there because I have something to LEARN.  A lot, actually.  When I show up without ego, as a student, I am able to receive from their gifts, thus increasing myself immensely.  This week I am going to receive business coaching from one of the founders.  This is a new and less developed skill that I have and something that has always envoked feelings of nervousness in me.  When I made a decision that I was going to come as an open and grateful student with nothing to prove, my uneasiness about these forthcoming conversations abated.  I am where I am.  In some areas I have great skill, in others I am learning…again the Buddhist wisdom of “no judgment’ saved me from emotional angst.

Since joining a team of very talented, capable people, I have learned some things about myself.  I have something to bring.  In the last six weeks, five of the six men have come to me and asked for spiritual coaching/healing sessions.  I am there because my unique gifts and talents and spirit fills a space that is desired and valued.  I find that when I stand in my own space, show up transparent about what I have and how I feel, as well as what I am there to learn, I feel confident…even powerful.

On Friday, I had a session with my spiritual energy coach/therapist, Deena Jordan.  She asked me what I was feeling and I shared with her that I still had some latent feelings of insecurity I wanted to release.  She guided me through a visualization where I was in the spirit world with all the feelings of self-worth and certainty.  She explained to me that when we came to earth, we experienced a fear based program of the natural man that , “I am not enough.”  Even though this was being explained to me for the first time, I knew it was true.  Several years ago, I came to the same conclusion that each person seemed to be struggling with this same central issue.

Then she had me visualize that I was in the spirit world again, standing in front of Christ, and He was going to restore my prior knowledge and certainty of, “I am Enough.”  Re-program me, so to speak, to the level that I was ready for.  I immediately began to experience waves of light, peace and energy washing over me. I felt calm, certain again, and all fear of not feeling good enough at my offering, left me.

Here is what I know.  We are earthy travelers, finding our way through a myriad of lies to get to truths. The lie that we are not enough, is deep within us.  But what if we could erase it?  What if we could get a new program, and KNOW, FEEL, and ACT consistently that we are perfectly enough and that worthy of every good thing.

The answer: We would be free.  Free to live, be, and make our offerings without any agenda of attachment. Because at the core, we have what we’ve always wanted…then the rest of our lives is just PLAY!