I know, I know. Everyone else seems to be feeling excited, happy, and joyful - and you're feeling - well, dread is probably a pretty accurate description.

Why? What is it about the holidays that makes them so difficult when you've been through loss, or deep disappointment, grief and pain?

Could it be that at this time of year we are reminded on every side of the joy of togetherness, and relationships, and giving and receiving - and that reminder only emphasizes the fact that we are alone?

Maybe this is the first Christmas season that you've been grieving. Maybe it's been many years, but in any case, the pain can be very real, and it can be difficult to manage.

After my husband drowned in 2006 I struggled through the first couple of Christmastimes. It was a time I wished I could enjoy, but it was just too full of memories and reminders and I didn't know how to handle the emotions that were ever-present and constantly erupting at awkward moments.

Since that time, I've learned a few things. I've found ways to think differently, to look forward and not backward, to come to this time of year from a different perspective - and things are better.

I'll share some of them with you. Maybe one or two might help - and, at any rate, at least you'll know you're not alone. There are many of us out here who have been through the holidays while grieving, and we know the difficulty. I want you to know things can get better, and there can be hope that it won't always be so hard.

So watch for my own version of "the Twelve Days of Christmas" - where I'll share one idea each day for you to consider. Who knows - they might help - and you might even find yourself believing in the joy of the season once more.

With hope for your healing,

Roslyn