Best Life by Design...Your Life on Fire!

By Trish Bernasconi

“We all have the ability…we just don’t all have the courage to follow our dreams and to follow the signs.”- Paulo Coelho

Today I was offered an amazing opportunity for what is basically my dream job. The first place my mind went was: “Do I deserve this?” “Am I good enough for this?” “What do I really have to give?” I became acutely aware that my ego was attempting to sabotage me and this new opportunity.

For years, my entire life really, I have struggled with believing that I am enough. I could start a blame list with all the people and circumstances that formed the belief that I am not enough but at the same time I could probably make a list of all the experiences I have had that have shown me the opposite. The question for me then becomes, where is my focus? Why do I choose to believe the naysayers, hold on to the times I have tried and failed, and allow those negative experiences to affect my present life situation? Why instead, is it so hard for me to focus on the ways I have succeeded, the obstacles I have overcome, and the general awesomeness that is me?

Sure, there are things I cannot do. I am far from “perfect.” But I am a great mother. I might be the mother in sweatpants, with no makeup, and disheveled hair, but I love my babies more than anything in the world, I always put them first, and they know that. I am a really good friend. I’m surely not the person who shows up with a big basket of warm homemade muffins, but I am excellent listener. I am always available and open to support my friends in everything that they are going through and I’m at every Mary Kay party that they throw. I see the good in all people, even those who are cranky, and maybe don’t recognize the good in themselves. I always smile and ask every cashier how THEIR day is going, and sometimes, I can tell, it gets through to them.

So as I face this new opportunity, I am ready to accept that I do deserve this, I am good enough, and I have a lot to give. The only person I apparently have to convince of this is myself. So now I vow that I am ready to change my focus, to accept my imperfections, and to own my awesomeness.

“Hope is the destination that we seek.
Love is the road that leads to hope.
Courage is the motor that drives us.
We travel out of darkness into faith.”
-Dean Koonz

In the last few months, I have been struggling with insecurity…big time. This is a relatively new experience for me, because I’ve mostly considered myself to be a confident kind of girl, spending little or no time worrying about the others’ opinions about me or what people thought if my house was clean.  All of that changed in June, when I was hired to work for a spiritual transformation company in Salt Lake City called Awaken Soul Purpose.

I found myself working with people who (at least to me) seemed to be more skilled than I was at teaching, coaching, and business building.  And hey, even better looking. I remember our first real gathering together when I was on a business trip there in July, seven of us were having breakfast meeting.  Six men from the company…the founders, CEO, and some of the point men on the team.  Then there was me.  I was dripping with inadequacy.  As I walked into the restaurant, I kept saying to myself, I am a powerful, healing woman of light, I am a powerful, healing woman of light. I felt it, to some degree, but when the waitress came to our table (I have been mostly working inside my home for the last 7 years), I looked at her in envy. I thought to myself, “Can I have your apron? I’ll put it on and cook and clean, which I know I can do, and you can sit here in my place.”

The last few months, I have looked this insecurity, stared at it really, straight in the face.  What is it?  Where is it coming from?  And how is it holding me back?  Each week, more of it falls away, as I step into my own power and certainty knowing that I am there because I have something to bring.  I don’t need to worry about their talents and gifts.  If I am focused on mine, I am connected to my own spirit and my own power to make my offering.  And an offering that has much greater value.

I am also there because I have something to LEARN.  A lot, actually.  When I show up without ego, as a student, I am able to receive from their gifts, thus increasing myself immensely.  This week I am going to receive business coaching from one of the founders.  This is a new and less developed skill that I have and something that has always envoked feelings of nervousness in me.  When I made a decision that I was going to come as an open and grateful student with nothing to prove, my uneasiness about these forthcoming conversations abated.  I am where I am.  In some areas I have great skill, in others I am learning…again the Buddhist wisdom of “no judgment’ saved me from emotional angst.

Since joining a team of very talented, capable people, I have learned some things about myself.  I have something to bring.  In the last six weeks, five of the six men have come to me and asked for spiritual coaching/healing sessions.  I am there because my unique gifts and talents and spirit fills a space that is desired and valued.  I find that when I stand in my own space, show up transparent about what I have and how I feel, as well as what I am there to learn, I feel confident…even powerful.

On Friday, I had a session with my spiritual energy coach/therapist, Deena Jordan.  She asked me what I was feeling and I shared with her that I still had some latent feelings of insecurity I wanted to release.  She guided me through a visualization where I was in the spirit world with all the feelings of self-worth and certainty.  She explained to me that when we came to earth, we experienced a fear based program of the natural man that , “I am not enough.”  Even though this was being explained to me for the first time, I knew it was true.  Several years ago, I came to the same conclusion that each person seemed to be struggling with this same central issue.

Then she had me visualize that I was in the spirit world again, standing in front of Christ, and He was going to restore my prior knowledge and certainty of, “I am Enough.”  Re-program me, so to speak, to the level that I was ready for.  I immediately began to experience waves of light, peace and energy washing over me. I felt calm, certain again, and all fear of not feeling good enough at my offering, left me.

Here is what I know.  We are earthy travelers, finding our way through a myriad of lies to get to truths. The lie that we are not enough, is deep within us.  But what if we could erase it?  What if we could get a new program, and KNOW, FEEL, and ACT consistently that we are perfectly enough and that worthy of every good thing.

The answer: We would be free.  Free to live, be, and make our offerings without any agenda of attachment. Because at the core, we have what we’ve always wanted…then the rest of our lives is just PLAY!

Today, I feel inspired to share some words of encouragement for those of who might find themselves in a state of hopelessness. 

There are certain times and in life where we experience so much despair that a person may feel like they can hardly go on.  Never mind ‘positive thinking’ or ‘being a creator.’  That doesn’t mean anything when you feel so heavy you aren’t sure you can make it through another day.

I remember certain periods in my path when I felt so defeated, I didn’t care if I got better.  I was face down in the dirt and for awhile, I didn’t know how I would get up again. Some people are surprised when I share stories like that, especially if they happen to view me as a positive, optimistic person.  Today, I do spend most of my time feeling like that, but it certainly wasn’t always that way. 

There was a particular season three years ago where I was wading through so much frustration, despair and opposition, it literally felt like I had 100 pounds of weight on my back.  Even day to day tasks felt impossible.  A critical life line that saved me during that time was prayer.  We often speak of a spiritual universe, but at the head and center of that for me is a very personal God who is a gentle, loving, caring Father.  Every day I would ask for direction to find my way out of the darkness and gain strength to take the next step.  I felt divine guidance and comfort many, many times, sometimes every day, and what I learned about God is that He meets you where you are.  One of the mistaken conditions that men and women put on God is that we feel we have to do something “right” before He will help us.  This is false.  If you’re yelling at your kids and at your heighest weight on your ugliest day, and you haven’t been to church in ten years…great! Call out from there.  He is His word with one hundred percent accuracy and He promises that every request made in sincerity is answered.  Every time. 

Call others to assist you. I have a certain group of individuals that I call, ‘people in my corner,’ and I ask them for back up when I am having a hard time conquering what is in front of me.  This past week for example, I felt great opposition in my path and I shared it with a few friends who chose to fast, pray, and send light to me. I had been working at it on my own for three weeks, but the next day, I woke up completely clear of the energy of struggle and I felt rejuvinated enough to be on my way again.  It wasn’t long before our roles had reversed and I was sending light and prayers to another person who had just done the same thing for me.  Sometimes when we are in despair, we tell ourselve a story of loneliness and how no one is there for us.  This is also false.  The entire universe is designed to support our path.  In addition to the spiritual universe–God, Christ, Spirit of Truth, angels, and more, there are also many, many people in our path who will be there if we ask for assistance.  Be assured you can call out for help and know that everyone takes turns givien and receiving.  That is how we make it together.

Utilize Tools: I subscribe to some newsletters where I receive words of truth and inspiration every single day.  (Carol Tuttle and Joel Osteen are two of my favorites!)  When I am facing challenges, I also listen to music that is uplifting, burn essential oils, read good books and anything else that will nurture my body and spirit and get me back on my feet.  Cut out things that don’t serve you like wasting time on the computer and watching television, unless those activities are feeding you.  Eliminate all tasks that are unnecessary and focus on the essentials.  Spend as much time nurturing and nourshing your spirit as you possibly can.  Remember that if a person was recovering from surgery or illness, people would accept that they could do less.  Emotional burdens can be just as debilitating and you can give yourself permission to streamline your life.

Keep Your Course.  Since life is an opportunity of learning, there are always going to be things that challenge and give us experience.  Some times people call these trials.  We cannot always control what comes to us in the moment it’s occurring, but we can choose how hard we are going to make it and at times, how long it is going to last.  When the wind is really blowing, choose to hold onto all the good things you’ve been doing.  Long term change requires that people stay the course that leads to change.  I know many people who learn great truths and become converted, and soon after, life gets rough.  This is common.  Be determined in your direction up the mountain and know that in time, you’ll be at the top of transformation and be at peace again.

Love and Accept Yourself: Guilt and shame are some of the lowest vibrational energies we can sustain and that is why they create such misery.  When I find myself combatting them, I repeat an affirmation that says, “Even though I am in a learning process, I love and accept myself.”  This erases unnecessary burdens that slow down my learning and progress.  Along with forgiving others, forgiving yourself is an act of liberation.  If you feel you have made ‘mistakes’ in the past or during your time of struggle, let it go.  If you learned from it, it is no longer a mistake…just a growth experience!

May your path be blessed in every situation! 

All my love, 

Heather

Every morning when I wake up, I want to be full of love, joy, and excitement.  I believe that the Universe gives people what they ask for, and this is exactly what I want–total joy, passion, and love for being alive every single day of my life. 

I realize that not every one feels this way.  I shared this thought with someone once and they responded that they thought it was impossible.   But is it really?  Or does it seem impossible because we are making it so? 

One thing I know is that I am a spirit being created from a Creator that is full of joy and therefore, SO AM I!  THe earth is lower than our spirit home in every way, especially vibrationally.  Our spirits have slowed down their vibration in ordedr to enter physical bodies.  This was ne cessary so that we could have a physical expedrience, however, in doing so, we have forgotten many of our inherent spirit qualities, like JOY, that are ready to be be awakened within us if we are to return to our God-selves.

There are many ways that we can learn and grow.  ‘Struggle’ is the way of our conditioning, but it does not have to be.  I believe that learning occurs continually in the spiritual realm and I have to believe that as angels and other evolved spirits learn, it does not require create pain and struggle for them to do so.  Then why not me?  I have wondered.  Why can’t my greatest learning come through being tutoring by God and Spirit and through joyful experiences instead of painful experiences?  

“There will always be the contrast of pain and hardship available to us. The old belief has been, I am learning and growing through adversity. The new belief can be, I am learning and growing through joy. The question to ask yourself now is, How much joy can you hold, and how long can you hold it?“(Remembering Wholeness, 116)

How much JOY can I hold is a question I have asked myself.  As I have meditated on joy, I have found that I possess physical and mental blocks to it.  When I spent time focusing on the blocks and dismissing them, I felt my spirit opening up and having more room inside for joy, enthusiasm and passion for life than ever before.

This week I took my spinning class on a “JOY RIDE.”  We listened to Natasha Bedingfield’s song, Happy, and visualized that we were biking along the coast.  We left every thing that had bothered or stressed us out at home and were there to experience one thing: JOY.  Every time our feet turned we were calling more and more joy, passion, and love for life to us.   We literally felt a change in our environment and some class members even commented on it.  It occurred to me that just like love, there is no shortage of joy, happiness and enthusiasm in being alive.  There is just a lack of ability to perceive it and connect because of our past conditioning.  I believe it is possible that even in times of grief or transition, we can still be connected to a thread of peace and appreciation for all aspects of our life experience.

We can each wake up from the slumber of struggle and choose to higher, spirit-driven, ways of learning and evolving.  The question is no longer, Can life be joyful?  The question is, How much JOY can you hold?   You cannot receive what you do not have room for.   The wider you open your arms, the more you will have.