In our previous episode, we were joined by LeeAnn Taylor, who is a mother of five children. Three of those have fragile X syndrome. LeeAnn is with us again today to help us teach our kids about special needs of others.
Siblings of children who have special needs often feel neglected or misunderstood, or that their parents are not available to them. For children who do not have siblings with special needs, they will have opportunities to encounter and interact with kids with special needs as well.
It helps children to understand the needs and then to receive something special themselves. It gives them opportunities that are unique, special, and just for them.
It helps them build confidence that they can handle it, and that they can make a difference in someone else’s life. Find LeeAnn at www.leeanntaylorstory.com.
Welcome to "Parental Power," your direct link to the principles, tools, and ideas that assist you in doing the most important job in the world.
LeeAnn Taylor is a mother of five children, three of whom have fragile X syndrome.
This is not your fault.
You can handle it. The child that comes into your life is the child for you. Everything that you have within you is what that child needs, and vice versa.
You are not alone. There are resources all around you. Take care of yourself and keep moving forward. www.leeanntaylorstory.com is the place where you can connect with LeeAnn.
Jamie was talking to Vicki recently and brought up a question about what to do with or about children who are being disrespectful and defiant.
Your authority as a parent is determined by two factors. First, you have to be able to set and enforce appropriate limits. Second, you have to be seen as a provider of good times and good things. Find a good balance of these two factors in order to establish a position of authority with your children.
Respect is not free, but must be earned. We generally want to teach our children respect, but for them to respect us we have to earn that respect by showing them that we are more powerful than they are and that we love them unconditionally. This knowledge helps to settle children emotionally.
With any age of child, choosing the right kind of consequences is a key to providing effective discipline. Become very clear in your own mind about what you control and what you don’t, then select consequences that you can enforce no matter what your child thinks.
Torri left a comment on our episode about Teens and Cell Phones and asks, “what are your thoughts on the appropriateness of Facebook? I have a 10 year old sister in law who just joined facebook, and my husband’s cousin has a daughter who is five years old and just joined facebook also – I was really shocked!”
Technology is like power tools. Things like Facebook are not inherently bad, but they are dangerous because of their power.
Power tools are not to be used without adult supervision, and there are age and maturity guidelines for their use. Just like the ratings on video games or movies, the content and experience of any particular site are better suited for people who are sufficiently mature to be safe and to use the technology appropriately.
It’s not just your kids you need to worry about. Predators and nefarious characters are using social networking to target children, or to target users in general through hijacking or hacking into other’s accounts for their shady agendas.
You wouldn’t put your five-year-old behind the wheel of the family minivan. Age and maturity guidelines in the ever-changing world of technology are there to assist parents in protecting their children.
In this age of information, communication, and technology, mobile phones have become an undeniable part of our culture and lifestyle.
Children at younger and younger ages are becoming aware of and having a desire to use technology including cell phones. There are many good reasons to consider allowing your pre-teen child to carry a cell phone, but there are many pitfalls as well.
A cell phone is not a substitute for adult supervision. Some parents are lulled into a sense of security thinking that they can contact or be contacted by their child at any time through the cell phone, and then they relax some of the standards or restrictions as a result. Your child’s level of maturity is still the determining factor in deciding whether to allow any particular privilege.
Use of a cell phone differs from ownership of a cell phone. For less mature kids who cannot yet pay for the privilege of owning a cell phone, parents might consider having a “kid’s phone” which can be checked out as needed to any of the children and which has limited services attached to it.
In this age of information, communication, and technology, mobile phones have become an undeniable part of our culture and lifestyle.
Relationships with friends become extremely important to teens – staying connected with those friends often happens through the cell phone. Many teens use their phone more for texting than they do for actual conversation. Parents will benefit from being educated about the technology and finding ways to incorporate it into their paradigm rather than resisting it.
Having a cell phone is a privilege, not a right. Teens who have grown up around and into this technology may begin to feel an entitlement to it. Their appreciation and proper use of the technology will be enhanced as they earn the privilege of having a cell phone, including paying for the cost.
Parents have a responsibility to talk to their teens about the appropriate and inappropriate use of a cell phone and other technology. Cell phone carriers can assist parents in letting them know what they can do to monitor and place limits on usage.
Often we get stuck saying “No” as a parent. From the time our children are very young through the time that they are teens and young adults, a parent is constantly setting limits.
Most people respond more favorably to a positive approach rather than a negative approach. Can you say the same thing in a more positive way?
Most parents would admit that they really mean “yes, IF” rather than “no”.
Train your children to give you some time and space to make a good decision and possibly come up with an answer they like better.
One of our moms wrote a very heartfelt comment in response to our episode entitled “Hold the Fences”. Her daughter is 18, and wants to “run wild” a bit. She has tried to be a good parent and expressed that sometimes it feels like she has failed in her job as a parent.
The principle of agency determines that everyone drives their own life – this is true for your children as well. Especially as they become older teens and young adults, children will naturally take more control over their lives.
Letting go can be a strategic step toward helping your maturing children to negotiate the challenges and difficulties of running their own life.
Begin practicing before children hit an age of independence with things that are less costly.
Our subscriber summed it up well in her blog comment – “maybe the best thing we can do at that point is to honor their freedom to choose for themselves, try to keep the relationship going by being kind, and pray they will want to come back once their pain has made them wiser, humbler, and more compassionate.
In a recent episode, we talked about homework, and the issue of problem ownership came up.
Every problem has an owner. The person who owns the problem is the person who is bothered or upset.
The one most likely to solve any given problem is the person who owns it.
Practical examples of problem shifting are discussed including:
Kid’s toys are left out.
Kid’s laundry not done.
Homework not done.
Homework is a common area of concern and sometimes frustration for parents and kids. Figuring out who owns the homework is a first step toward resolving this issue.
Every problem has an owner.
The answer to the question, “who’s problem is this?” is always the person who is bothered or upset.
If the homework problem is owned by you as a parent, the next step is to transfer that problem back to the child (who is the rightful owner).
Vicki and I were discussing this the other day in the car when we saw a billboard of John Schmidt, a local musician, who was lying on a piano bench playing the piano backwards and upside down. Too often as parents we squelch the creativity of our children by insisting that they do things the “right” way. It is so important to back up enough to see the larger picture, and truly facilitate our children’s growth and development.
Part 2 of 2
Vicki and I were discussing this the other day in the car when we saw a billboard of John Schmidt, a local musician, who was lying on a piano bench playing the piano backwards and upside down. Too often as parents we squelch the creativity of our children by insisting that they do things the “right” way. It is so important to back up enough to see the larger picture, and truly facilitate our children’s growth and development.
Part 1 of 2
We had the honor and privilege of being joined today for our call by Jacqueline Duckett, who is a long-time educator, mother, and developer of the TeacherTold product. Our conversation addressed some of the typical stressors that come into families as a result of school homework. In fact, this is one of the primary topics that parents and children mention as being at the top of the list for stressful interactions between them. Jacqueline shares some of her experience in how to better deal with this problem, including parents using their resources and power to establish more effective communication with the teacher. Part 1 of 2
Stayce, one of our subscribers, writes: “How do I help a child who is feeling scared that her daddy or I will die?”
Death is one of the most universal fears. At around age five, children start to become aware of their own mortality and that of others around them, particularly their parents or other close loved ones. Create an openness about talking about the issue. Don’t try to avoid or shelter children from the reality of death.
Don’t make promises that you can’t keep. “Oh honey, I’m not going to die” – say something more like “We are going to do everything we can to be safe and well” – that’s why we wear seatbelts, exercise, etc. When children are ready for it, you can also talk about how we plan and prepare for events like death through making sure there are things in place to assist those who are still here like life insurance, wills, family support etc.
Answer the “what-if” question with compassion, empathy, and support. Use life’s experiences to help teach the principles (pets, grandparents, the news, etc.)
Death is not an “if” issue, but more of a “when and how” issue. As much as we don’t like this particular topic, it is definitely a part of life. Accept, acknowledge, and support as you help your children also to answer the scary questions.
